Introduction
As a single parent with a busy career, I learned the hard way through 2 burnouts that although you can have it all, sometimes it is better to be kind to yourself, and acknowledge that no one is Superwoman.
Through kindness to yourself, self-appreciation, celebrating the wins, and sometimes understanding that each thing comes in its own time, we learn. We learn we are enough. We are doing a good job. We are our own worst enemy. Life is good, right now, in the moment. Everyone else’s life on Instagram isn’t to be measured up against. You are allowed to set boundaries. You are allowed to look after yourself. If you are good, so is your child.
I Am Failing
This is a feeling of a very human nature. It is rarely true when not comparing oneself to impossible and unachievable standards. Raising someone, providing for them, and remembering that you exist are far from failures. The day your child is old enough and tells you they are proud of you, it clicks. You are not failing. You are getting up time after time from an obstacle. You are resilient. You are teaching resilience. You are teaching mental toughness.
I Am Exhausted
Pouring from an empty cup is an impossible feat. Balancing single parenting with a career easily creates an empty cup without boundaries. It is your responsibility to yourself to set those boundaries. Learning to say no is a key lesson that I am still learning. We are conditioned to help, but it should not be at our own expense.
Building Resilience in the Next Generation
When you are a parent, the natural instinct is to protect, nurture, and remove all obstacles from your child’s path. As a single parent, in my view, this is even more emphasized by the underlying guilt you may feel for not having a second partner around for whatever reason. Nonetheless, removing frustration sources and boredom is not building resilience, as they do not learn how to deal with less-than-ideal situations, which is not a 1:1 reflection of the real world.
Conclusion
You are enough. Your child thrives from your presence and models your resilience and your strength. Having a career is a necessity to pay the bills, but it also provides a very much needed world where you exist as a woman and a professional. They can coexist, but you need to make it work for you so you can go the distance, gain satisfaction, and feel a sense of achievement.
I wrote about single parenting since it is a topic I have experience with first-hand, and I would love to share my insights and lessons I learned the hard way.
References
Cairney, J., Boyle, M. H., Offord, D. R., & Racine, Y. (2003). Stress, social support, and depression in single and married mothers. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology, 38(8), 442–449. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00127-003-0661-0
Coles, R. L. (2001). The parenting roles and experiences of nonresident fathers involved with their children. Journal of Family Issues, 22(1), 3–25. https://doi.org/10.1177/019251301022001001
Cooper, C. E., McLanahan, S. S., Meadows, S. O., & Brooks-Gunn, J. (2009). Family structure transitions and maternal parenting stress. Journal of Marriage and Family, 71(3), 558–574. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2009.00619.x
Nomaguchi, K. M., & Brown, S. L. (2011). Parental strains and rewards among mothers: The role of education. Journal of Marriage and Family, 73(3), 621–636. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2011.00835.x
Orthner, D. K., Jones-Sanpei, H., & Williamson, S. (2004). The resilience and strengths of low-income families. Family Relations, 53(2), 159–167. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.0022-2445.2004.00006.x
Author Bio
Isabelle Mulcahy (Grace) is a professional in her 40s who has built her career over the span of 20 years. She has a 17-year-old son, and is also a mom to their 4-pawed companion, who is a 7-year-old beagle. She firmly believes in resilience and life lessons through sports while growing up, and credits her own insights with this upbringing.
Published under the Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0) license for mental health awareness with editorial review.