Introduction
For many people, sharing how they feel with others can be a challenge. When we are struggling, it’s common to feel as though telling others will make us look bad or feel weak. Vulnerability means revealing our inner emotions to the people around us, which can feel exposing and frightening. Even though it’s hard, being vulnerable allows people to understand and empathize with us.
You might think of vulnerability as weakness. After all, being vulnerable means revealing parts of yourself that you might want to keep hidden.
However, there are benefits to revealing your thoughts and feelings to others.
The Power of Naming Emotions and Embracing Vulnerability
For example, being able to name our emotions can help us manage them. When we are feeling overwhelmed or upset, it might seem like the best way to handle our emotions is to lock them up. If we do not talk about them and try not to think about them, maybe the feelings we are struggling with will go away. However, in reality, what helps us manage our emotions is having the courage to share them. A 2012 study found that expressing what we are feeling out loud helps reduce fear and other heightened emotions in stressful situations (Kircanski et al., p. 1086, 2012). During the study, participants in exposure therapy were asked to name their emotions aloud while being exposed to a feared stimulus. The participants still felt afraid, but expressing how they felt helped limit their fear response and calm their emotions (Kircanski et al., p. 1090, 2012).
Being vulnerable is also important for maintaining and improving our relationships.
Dr. Brené Brown, a researcher and professor who studies vulnerability, shame, and empathy, explains that humans are wired for connection. Those who have the courage to be authentic are the people who can build strong connections with others. According to Dr. Brown, feelings of unworthiness prevent us from making connections with others. Embracing vulnerability is a key part of learning to feel worthy of other people’s care and of our own success.
The Factors That Shape Loneliness
All of us have experienced loneliness, and many of us have struggled with it. Especially during the height of the pandemic, many people felt a lack of connection and fulfillment, a feeling that characterized loneliness. Although everyone experiences loneliness differently, a person’s physical location, social situation, and culture all influence how and when loneliness affects them.
Academic studies of loneliness sometimes approach it from different perspectives. However, many studies focus on the factors that contribute to our risk of loneliness or shape our experience of it. For example, Dr. Kimberly Smith (2019) identifies two major risk factors that people often confuse with loneliness itself, i.e., physical isolation and psychosocial or social isolation.
Physical and Social Isolation
Physical isolation may seem like loneliness because it limits social connections, and being physically isolated does make you more likely to be lonely. However, physical isolation and loneliness are not the same thing. Someone living on their own may not feel lonely even though they aren’t in proximity to others, and someone living with others may still experience loneliness (Smith, 2019, p. 614, 2019). On the other hand, social isolation refers to a lack of contact with family, friends, or community and can occur whether or not someone is physically isolated (Smith, 2019, p. 614, 2019). Similar to physical isolation, social isolation can often be mistaken for loneliness. However, it’s important to note that both serve as significant risk factors, with loneliness tending to be the more prevalent concern.
While physical and social isolation increase our risk of loneliness, a study by Ozawa-de Silva and Parsons (2020) shows that culture plays a key role in shaping loneliness. Our culture shapes how we interact with others and our expectations for relationships, which, in turn, influences what it takes to make us feel lonely (Ozawa-de Silva & Parsons, 2020, p. 614, 2020). This means that the nature of loneliness varies across cultures and is tied to a society’s social, political, and class structures (Ozawa-de Silva & Parsons, 2020, p. 620, 2020).
The Trouble with Addressing Loneliness
Every person experiences loneliness differently. Physical isolation, social isolation, and culture all play a role in loneliness. However, the underlying causes can range from someone’s upbringing to a major life event or health issue (Smith, p.41, 2019). Since loneliness is so varied, Smith (2019, p. 41) argues that existing interventions are ineffective and we must tailor solutions to each individual in need.
Experiencing loneliness isn’t easy. Where we live, our social situation, and our culture are only some of the many factors that affect how and when we feel lonely. However, the need for connection that underlies all loneliness makes it a universal human experience (Ozawka-de Silva & Parsons, p. 614, 2020). When you are struggling with loneliness and don’t know who to reach out to, consider contacting a therapist.
Here, at WHJ Online Therapy Centre, we can equip you with tools to deal with loneliness and mental health struggles. It will take a minimum of 2 hours to get started, and the process will involve several key stages to ensure a thorough evaluation before moving forward. After that, we can expect a smooth execution that aligns with our timeline and goals.
Loneliness remains difficult to understand and hard to experience. Familiarizing yourself with some of its causes and risk factors will help you to understand your own experience better.
Conclusion
Vulnerability can be a difficult skill to practice, but it can help us connect with others and understand our emotions. It isn’t easy to open up about our feelings, both positive and negative, but learning to be vulnerable means learning to manage our emotions healthily and to improve our relationships with others. As Dr. Brené Brown says, when we let ourselves be seen and accept who we are, we can then become kinder, more connected people.
References
Brown, Brené. (2011). The power of vulnerability. YouTube, uploaded by TED, 2011. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o
Kircanski, Katharina et al. (2012). Feelings into words: Contributions of language to exposure therapy. Psychological Science, 23(10), 1086–1091. https://doi.or/10.1177/0956797612443830
Smith, K. (2019). Charting loneliness. RSA Journal, 165(1), 38-41. https://www.jstor.org/stable/26798454
Ozawa-de Silva, C., Parsons, M. (2020). Toward an anthropology of loneliness. Transcultural Psychiatry, 57(5), 613-622. https://doi.org/10.1177/1363461520961627
Author Bio
Nora is an international student from the USA. She was studying in the Czech Republic for her master’s. Her focus is on the School of Humanities and Social Sciences. She is especially interested in exploring how self-talk and self-awareness affect mental health within queer communities.
“Through my experience as a student living abroad, I’ve learned a lot about taking care of my mental health and handling big life changes. In my free time, I’m an avid reader, knitter, and artist. At WHJ Online Therapy Centre, I worked as a content writing intern, expanding my knowledge of mental health and self-help tools.” – Nora Zapalac
Published under the Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0) license for mental health awareness with editorial review.