Introduction
I lost a friend to suicide after several of us tried to save him for years. After two overdoses, we relocated him first to Bali to pursue his surfing passion, and then to an ashram in India, but we lost him off the roof of a hotel in Thailand. He had read the books, listened to the motivational speeches, transformed his life, and changed his name, but the darkness still took him.
Zeek was a talented surfer who had a ranked number in the junior category in his native, South Africa. Once he started travelling with the competitions, nightclubs, alcohol, and drugs took over his life. Dealing drugs to support his own habit, he associated with gangsters even though his stepfather was a police officer, married to his reformed prostitute mother. After two overdoses and near-death experiences, he cleaned up, changed his name, and was my surfing instructor. His focused, knowledgeable, and psychologically advanced methods gained him many fans, including a group of us who engineered his move to Bali to surf the waves he had always dreamed of and to coach surfers from all over the world. Unfortunately, financial pressures drove him back to dealing drugs in a country with the death penalty for such transgressions, to an intervention and attendance at an ashram in India, a rebirth through music at which he was beginning to excel, and then an unexpected suicide from a roof in Thailand after an argument with his girlfriend. What else could we have done? How did this happen to him?
“A tribute to our friend Zeek who passed away this week, and to whom I owe the gift of learning to surf (properly!) – https://youtu.be/W6_xDGP_1D8“
The Early Life of an Addict
Family shame, school, success at the sport of surfing, talent, progress, acceptance, persistence, success, and recognition.
Family shame surrounded him like a shadow, constantly reminding him of the expectations he felt he needed to overcome. His school life was a mix of challenges, but it was also where his passion for surfing carved out his path amidst the chaos. With every wave he caught, he must have felt a surge of freedom that fueled his determination to improve his skills further. His surfing talent began to flourish, attracting the attention of both peers and coaches who recognized his potential. Progress didn’t come easily. Countless hours spent practicing, falling, and getting back up were crucial in honing his craft. Acceptance from his friends and mentors served as a guiding light, showing him that he was valued for who he was, not just his achievements. However, whether he believed it enough to ride the wave of darkness is another question. He must have known that persistence was key in facing both the tides of the ocean and the tides of life, teaching him to embrace every setback as a stepping stone. How much can a person embrace when depression and suicidal ideations start taking shape? Eventually, his hard work paid off, as he achieved both personal success and recognition in the surfing community, transforming his narrative of shame into one of triumph.
Exposure to Drugs
Travelling, inadequate supervision, peer pressure, social status, money, image, loss of control, loss of direction, addiction, overdose, police stepfather, and a loving but rejecting mother.
He wanted to fit in, but as much as he tried to play the part, the chatter of superficiality drowned out any sense of belonging. It was during one of those nights, swirling in a haze of smoke and laughter, that he started losing control. a little distraction, the promise of euphoria. It pulled him down a path he never intended to tread. The thrill morphed into addiction, and suddenly, he found himself caught in a cycle he couldn’t break. Each high was a fleeting moment of clarity followed by a deeper plunge into darkness, leading to an episode of overdose.
His mother had always been loving, though she carried her own burdens, which led to her rejecting him and suppressing his needs for a caregiver. Every episode of abandonment ignited a deeper sense of disappointment simmering beneath the surface. That rejection stung more than anything. His stepfather, being a police officer, did not help either. That must have come with its own can of worms.
A New Life in Bali
Zeek stood at the edge of the beach, the waves lapping at his feet, feeling the tug of the tide echo the turmoil inside him. He had always loved traveling, but later it seemed more like an escape than an adventure. The thrill that once ignited his spirit had dimmed, replaced by a sense of aimlessness that haunted him more and more each day, driven by fear of losing love. A sense of love and belonging that all the new possibilities in Bali, people who believed in him, consolidation of support, excitement, a new level of excellence in his sport, attention, rewards, friends, or risk-taking could not bring him.
Conclusion
Maybe some people can’t be saved. Even with all the right help and well-meaning friends and family, they will inevitably seek out the conditions for their own destruction, despite so many people wanting them to stay.
I chose to write about Zeek because it still bothers me that this happens to people, and I question myself if I could have done more to prevent what happened to him. I feel guilty because I have, at times, become angry over these failures, particularly because he was not appreciated or loved enough.
If a loved one or someone you know is struggling with suicidal ideations, kindly reach out for help.
References
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Riera-Serra, P., Navarra-Ventura, G., Castro, A. et al. Clinical predictors of suicidal ideation, suicide attempts and suicide death in depressive disorder: a systematic review and meta-analysis. European Archives of Psychiatry and Clinical Neuroscience, 274, 1543–1563 (2024). https://doi.org/10.1007/s00406-023-01716-5
Author Bio
A commercial helicopter pilot and creative writer with one produced movie, The Legend of Room 327, available on Amazon Prime, Mike McDougall is fascinated by the stories that inspire us to greater things, more open minds, shared experiences, and a better understanding of each other.
Published under the Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0) license for mental health awareness with editorial review.