Tag: anxiety

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Thoughts on Social Media Posts about Mental Health

To make sense of your sadness and then heal from depression, negative memories, anxiety, health issues

It wasn’t too long ago that I saw something on Instagram that caught my attention. It was a post by an old college classmate of mine which said something along the lines of, “If you are ever feeling low, if you have something on your mind, please reach out to me and we can talk about it.” Now that post irritated me and I guess it’s just my anger issues cropping up but nonetheless, that post was thought provoking and I am here to tell you why.

I have had my fair share of mental health issues and I continue to work on them. I seek therapy often and I find that it helps me recognize and resolve the many issues that I face. And I want to stress on the important role therapy plays in deciphering, recognizing and resolving many mental health concerns and I want to make this clear, if you have issues that you find overwhelming, please visit a registered therapist and seek professional help. Do not fall prey to social media posts where untrained, attention seeking netizens claim to be there to help you. They have no idea what they are doing and more importantly you are confiding your deepest fears with them and this kind of granular personal information needs to be handled securely by a professional and not someone who puts up a post (unless they are from the professional background).

Therapy involves a lot of confidentiality and a lot of work. People who are not trained will not be able to handle such sensitive information nor have the right tools to efficiently protect your data. Many times speaking to untrained people can seem like a futile exercise and may add to the stress that you are facing. Those who think they can resolve people’s issues by declaring via social media that they are available to lend an ear – until and unless you are a trained health professional, don’t try to “resolve” someone’s mental health issues without proper training and experience. This could also be stressful personally. I would compare such a situation to giving a monkey the responsibility of maintaining a nuclear reactor, it is bound to cause a meltdown and if Chernobyl is anything to go by then there is no coming back from it.

I understand that mental health comes at a very steep price and these prices render it unaffordable for the majority of people and with stigma surrounding therapy you might feel like you do not want to seek help and put tags on your issues such as depression or anxiety but trust me a therapist is better suited to understand and resolve the issues that you face at the earliest and there are many pocket friendly ways in which you can seek professional help in your country.

I understand that it is a tough time and you don’t have to look too far for help.

Writing your thoughts helps with relaxing and slowing the mind.
Please Note: When you do not want Whj Online to post your articles, use the title “Do Not Publish: <<your title here>>”.

 

 

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Grief in Progress

Grief in Progress

My mind has never been a particularly “kind” place. Mistakes accumulate and failures persist. The sense of never-being-quite-good-enough lingers, and makes sure any new venture I start is heavy with the need to be perfect from the very beginning. To deal with this, I had a lot of mechanisms. I socialised, and drowned out the voice in my head with the quiet support of friends. I kept myself busy by picking up projects and setting deadlines for myself. I have 2 different To-Do List Apps, and at least 3 different notebooks tracking my tasks. At school, I tracked self-worth in grades received, events conducted, and teacher’s praise. When I started working as a teacher, my self-worth was contingent on how my students did, and I often thought of myself as the only factor contributing to their indifference/success in learning, completely sidestepping the multiplicity of factors that affected those students investments.

When the pandemic came around, I lost one of my coping mechanisms and I had a lot of time to myself. A lot of time to think about my mental space, and a lot of time to realise that the way I preferred to deal with my emotions was to not deal with them at all. Instead I rationalised and compartmentalised so that I never actually had to “feel” at all. I just needed to come up with explanations, I just needed to remain in control. When things happen, as they do, instead of allowing myself to feel guilt, sorrow, rage, frustration, I came up with excuses for why my emotions weren’t valid, or I would think of ways to suppress it all. I wanted to be different from my parents, so emotionally volatile, that I would rather feel nothing at all than drown in the depths. But the thing is, it’s also hard to feel joy and compassion and love if you have trained yourself to not let your emotions overwhelm you.

My therapist says that emotions remain in your body, that you can feel stress somewhere, anxiety somewhere else. If that’s true, my self-hatred rests between my ribs, always ready to knock me breathless when I am already down. My anxiety rests between tense shoulders, always ready to come to the forefront of any situation, and in a stomach that I hadn’t even realised I keep clenched, and in teeth that find themselves grinding, and in feet and hands that will not stop fidgeting and in my thoughts, “What if?”. I pushed my emotions down for years, but they stayed, making homes for themselves in my body, stubborn in their relentless need to be felt.

This year, grief has been so very loud. There have been so many endings. The suffering I have witnessed among communities, the struggle to stay ‘productive’, moving back to a broken home, and the constant fear of impending sickness– this is a year in which grief cannot be ignored.

So if you are grieving, for whatever reason or cause, know you aren’t alone. I grieve with you, and for you. Take your time, and let it overwhelm you. Your sorrow has a place in the world.

 

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Nikita’s Journey into Therapy

Nikita’s Journey into Therapy

For Anney

Needless to say, last year has been an absolute shit show. It was quite literally the most stressful I’ve ever been in my life and getting out of it has taken a lot of conscious effort. 

In March of 2020, right before the lockdown in India, I had a pretty sorted life. I had a job I loved, a wonderful apartment, a great set of friends and a loving partner. But in a matter of months literally everything unravelled. 

It began with my parents getting no income because of the lockdown. I was stuck in my hometown away from where I’ve been living for the last 6 years. I used to work for a travel company, so while I was lucky to still have a job (especially since about 40% of my company was furloughed), I hated the role I was given due to the reorganization that consequently happened. I was suddenly in a long distance relationship with no prep and things were just hard. No one really saw it coming and no one knew how long it was going to last for. 

3 months later, there was still not much change in the situation. But I went back to Bangalore where I was living and met my boyfriend and started looking for another job. I luckily got a much better offer and things were beginning to look better for me. However things at home were getting worse and there was a lot of guilt associated with staying alone and spending so much money when I could be back home and support my family that has 4 adults. So after much protest from my boyfriend, I packed all my things and moved back home. 

That put a real strain on my relationship. Things at home was very stressful and I became the mediator between all the adults fighting at home. Literally everything made me cry and I felt helpless and my boyfriend started shutting me out at this very point which ultimately pushed me over my limit. I knew I needed help and my friends were wonderful. They were always there for me if I wanted to talk. But if you are anything like me, even that started making me feel guilty because I didn’t want to depend on them too much, because I’m sure they had things happening in their life too and I was in no situation to support them. 

I finally turned to therapy. I just needed someone to talk to. To help me sort out all the stress, anxiety and fear I was feeling. When I started therapy I knew a break up with my boyfriend was inevitable and it did happen. I was depressed for the next couple of months and I was constantly crying and lost a lot of weight. And this was not something I could talk about with my family. I had completely lost sight of who I was as a person which was a huge shock in itself, because I have always had a very strong sense of self. 

I had very flexible working hours and I was anyway working from home, so it was becoming hard to differentiate day and night, weekdays and weekends. Therapy was something that I started looking forward to. It was a much needed pause to an otherwise endless blob. Recollecting the past week helped when there is an active listener making note of everything that I say and guiding me through it, one step at a time. Therapy really helped me go back to who I was. It helped me figure out what I can compromise on and what I cannot. It helped me set boundaries and not feel guilty about things that were not my fault. It helped me accept the fact that I cannot control everything happening around me and it really just helped me during a very hard time in my life. 

This was 7 months ago and a lot has happened since then. My parents are still financially strained, but things are better after making some hard decisions. I took a solo trip for a month, just to get a change in environment that really really helped me. By A LOT. I applied for my masters and am all set to begin in the next few months. After struggling with my new job in the beginning with everything else that was happening in my life, it’s currently going really well. My ex boyfriend also reached out to me wanting to fix things and while that is gonna take more time, we are working on figuring things out. 

The past year was difficult but I have learnt a lot about myself as a person. It came with a lot of hard lessons and through it all, I have continued therapy. 

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Mohammad’s Case – Nervousness

Mohammad’s Case – Nervousness

Do you find similarities between yourself and Mohammad?

Mohammad is an 18 year old student who has limited displayed emotions. He spoke about severe physical, verbal and emotional abuse by his brother growing up. He remembers feeling neglected by his parents from early childhood. Both of them are always working. His brother has an alcohol problem. He finds this extremely disturbing since its forbidden by his religion. He described reacting to his brother’s abuse with passivity and by trying to avoid him. He also described being an easy target at school who is bullied by everyone. He says, “They bully me because I am quiet.” He has been skipping school leading to achieving bad grades in exams.

He spoke about his home life as ‘terrible’. His experiences include frequently being woken up and irritated in the middle of the night by his brother who is also suffering from insomnia. His father is also a passive man who ‘goes with the flow’ when his mother expresses distress regarding work and colleagues. He constantly thinks about suicide. He blames his father for not defending him against his brother. He feels alone in his own house and feels scared to take part in activities at school. He reported occasional nightmares. Mohammad disclosed that his mother’s father committed suicide by drinking poison. He sees similarities between his grandfather and himself. “Both of us, no friends”, he says. He didn’t recall sharing too many memories growing up with him.

At school his major problem is performance anxiety. He feels nervous in front of people and starts to stammer when he is asked to talk in front of people. He doesn’t feel good at school and lacks motivation to do his assignments. However, he enjoys biking and forgets all his problems when he is outside.

Mohammad has been referred by the school counsellor. He arranges hourly sessions whenever he has a difficult time at home or school. His therapeutic journey includes biking, therapy and trying to constructively talk to his family and classmates. If you found similarities between yourself and Mohammad, our team would be able to help you too.

Personal details have been changed to preserve confidentiality.

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Pranav’s Case – Detachment

Do you find similarities between yourself and Pranav?

Pranav is a 30 year old Indian man who has a medium paying job at an English speaking firm. His job currently requires him to learn Arabic to enhance his communication skills. He doesn’t think it would be possible as its extremely hard in every manner. He attended a few Arabic classes before coming for therapy. In Muscat he feels extremely lonely and yearns for physical and emotional intimacy. He feels if he had someone to support him, he would be able to do better in life. Nonetheless, he is too afraid of rejection. He changes the topic every time someone tries to make him meet someone new. He also says that he would hurt his ex girlfriend more than everything. He maintains a platonic friendship with her. She finds it hard to completely let go of the possibility of them resuming their relationship in the future as he appears to be consistent and stable, and represents safety, familiarity and “no risk”. She is currently in Muscat.

He has been considering moving back to India. He is certain he would be able to find a less demanding job there. He hopes that the cultural and language similarities could also make it much easier to meet someone new. However, he worries about starting over and making a new life for himself there.  Another thought that distresses him is that it would be quite disappointing and lonely if he moved but didn’t meet anyone.

Pranav has been terrified by the reality of passing time, especially during the time of corona virus pandemic. This has brought up feelings of dying without achieving anything meaningful in life. He feels emotionally paralysed and caught between what he calls “death anxiety” and “life anxiety”.

Pranav is currently undergoing existential therapy.  He has been to therapy before but ends up withdrawing when he feels disappointed and that the therapy is not living up to his expectations. He decided to start the 8 weeks therapeutic journey to try and resolve his issues of detachment. If you found similarities between yourself and Pranav, our team would be able to help you too.

Personal details have been changed to preserve confidentiality.

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Paul’s Case – Depression

Paul’s Case – Depression

Do you find similarities between yourself and Paul?

Paul is a 25 year old man who was diagnosed with depression eight months ago. He was referred by his key worker for psychological input relating to low mood, anger, anxiety and social isolation. He has 2 children under the age of 3 who live with his partner in her parents’ house. Paul’s referral was preceded by a seven week therapeutic journey. A row in his relationship led to a temporary break up. He had threatened his wife several times and their fights would end up being physical. This made him start therapy again.

He initially appeared somewhat nervous and reported no previous psychological input. Nevertheless, he seemed keen to discuss his difficulties and stated that he would like to ‘get some help’ for how he has been feeling. He described persistent low mood and anxiety, and identified his perceived difficulty managing feelings of intense anger as his main priority. His current problems had escalated to the extent that for the last few months he had been avoiding leaving the house because of the feelings of anger triggered in him by ‘totally irrelevant things’. These factors have led to a considerable restriction of Paul’s current life. He described never having been able to hold down a job, due to feeling victimised and criticised by employers. Although he thought the anti-depressant medication he has been taking had been helpful, he still says, “I’m in a bad mood all the time”. He also described a persistent feeling that people don’t like him.

Paul is under the care of a therapist who uses psychoanalytic therapy. He visits his therapist on a weekly basis. He still has depressive feelings but is more aware of them when he has a setback. He reminds himself to be resilient everyday. If you found similarities between yourself and Paul, our team would be able to help you.

Personal details have been changed to preserve confidentiality.

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Anna’s Case – Health Anxiety

Anna’s Case – Health Anxiety

Do you find similarities between yourself and Anna?

Anna is a 33 year old Russian woman who has been living and working in Bangalore for 5 years. She originally came to therapy with signs of health anxiety and preoccupation with physical symptoms, which seem to have been triggered by her boyfriend of four years deciding to go to Amsterdam for a year and a consequent fear of losing the relationship. It seemed in the initial session that Anna was focusing and worrying about her physical health instead of having to deal with her feelings about her boyfriend leaving. However, when the therapist asked whether this might be possible, she denied this and was in the process of undergoing repeated medical tests and scans to identify a cause for her physical symptoms. It was discussed that therapy would only be helpful for Anna when she saw at least some of her problems as being linked to psychological factors.

Six months later Anna contacted the therapist again and arranged another consultation. She was now under the care of a psychiatrist, who had started her on antidepressants and suggested she try therapy again. Anna’s boyfriend had gone to Amsterdam and the relationship had ended. She felt abandoned and empty and deeply missed the friendship. Although she felt that the relationship had probably not been right for a long time, she had stayed in it so long because she was afraid of being alone. She realized she had been dependent on her boyfriend for validation, attention and acceptance, and was struggling to adjust to being single. She noted a pattern in all relationships (with both family and past partners) of being dependent on others (for advice, looking after, self-esteem, etc.) and described herself as an “egoist” who tries to manipulate others to get what she wants and never being happy with what she gets. She had no strong hobbies, interests or passions. She had a small but good circle of friends in Prague and often spent time socializing with them. She also had regular contact with her family in Russia.

Although, Anna wanted to learn to be comfortable being alone, within a few weeks she had started flirting with colleagues in whom she had never been interested previously, in order to distract herself and get attention. Despite being insecure about her appearance, she also placed a lot of value on it and used it as her main way of interacting with males. Se described multiple instances of binge drinking, sometimes to the point of vomiting and memory loss.

Anna is under the care of a person-centered therapist. She is doing better now compared to when she started therapy. If you found similarities between your case and Anna’s, our team would be able to help you.

Personal details have been changed to preserve confidentiality.