Tag: relationship

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Nikita’s Journey into Therapy

Nikita’s Journey into Therapy

For Anney

Needless to say, last year has been an absolute shit show. It was quite literally the most stressful I’ve ever been in my life and getting out of it has taken a lot of conscious effort. 

In March of 2020, right before the lockdown in India, I had a pretty sorted life. I had a job I loved, a wonderful apartment, a great set of friends and a loving partner. But in a matter of months literally everything unravelled. 

It began with my parents getting no income because of the lockdown. I was stuck in my hometown away from where I’ve been living for the last 6 years. I used to work for a travel company, so while I was lucky to still have a job (especially since about 40% of my company was furloughed), I hated the role I was given due to the reorganization that consequently happened. I was suddenly in a long distance relationship with no prep and things were just hard. No one really saw it coming and no one knew how long it was going to last for. 

3 months later, there was still not much change in the situation. But I went back to Bangalore where I was living and met my boyfriend and started looking for another job. I luckily got a much better offer and things were beginning to look better for me. However things at home were getting worse and there was a lot of guilt associated with staying alone and spending so much money when I could be back home and support my family that has 4 adults. So after much protest from my boyfriend, I packed all my things and moved back home. 

That put a real strain on my relationship. Things at home was very stressful and I became the mediator between all the adults fighting at home. Literally everything made me cry and I felt helpless and my boyfriend started shutting me out at this very point which ultimately pushed me over my limit. I knew I needed help and my friends were wonderful. They were always there for me if I wanted to talk. But if you are anything like me, even that started making me feel guilty because I didn’t want to depend on them too much, because I’m sure they had things happening in their life too and I was in no situation to support them. 

I finally turned to therapy. I just needed someone to talk to. To help me sort out all the stress, anxiety and fear I was feeling. When I started therapy I knew a break up with my boyfriend was inevitable and it did happen. I was depressed for the next couple of months and I was constantly crying and lost a lot of weight. And this was not something I could talk about with my family. I had completely lost sight of who I was as a person which was a huge shock in itself, because I have always had a very strong sense of self. 

I had very flexible working hours and I was anyway working from home, so it was becoming hard to differentiate day and night, weekdays and weekends. Therapy was something that I started looking forward to. It was a much needed pause to an otherwise endless blob. Recollecting the past week helped when there is an active listener making note of everything that I say and guiding me through it, one step at a time. Therapy really helped me go back to who I was. It helped me figure out what I can compromise on and what I cannot. It helped me set boundaries and not feel guilty about things that were not my fault. It helped me accept the fact that I cannot control everything happening around me and it really just helped me during a very hard time in my life. 

This was 7 months ago and a lot has happened since then. My parents are still financially strained, but things are better after making some hard decisions. I took a solo trip for a month, just to get a change in environment that really really helped me. By A LOT. I applied for my masters and am all set to begin in the next few months. After struggling with my new job in the beginning with everything else that was happening in my life, it’s currently going really well. My ex boyfriend also reached out to me wanting to fix things and while that is gonna take more time, we are working on figuring things out. 

The past year was difficult but I have learnt a lot about myself as a person. It came with a lot of hard lessons and through it all, I have continued therapy. 

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Sarah’s Case – Existential

Sarah’s Case – Existential

Do you find similarities between yourself and Sarah?

Sarah is a 49 year old American woman who lived in the Czech Republic for 14 years. She originally moved to Muscat because of her relationship with an Indian man, but they divorced 2 years ago. They had no children and the relationship was very unsatisfactory in terms of meeting Sarah’s needs for intimacy, affection and emotional connection. Her ex husband was an overly rational, emotionally reserved person and She (previously diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder) is very emotionally labile and intense. Despite the divorce, Sarah remained in Muscat. She has a few close friends and no family here. Both her parents died within 2 months of each other last year. She has 3 siblings who still live in the US. She doesn’t feel close to any of them. They are all significantly older than her and extremely “rational”. She often feels patronised by them.

She is extremely intelligent and has a well-paid job which she does very well. However, it brings her no joy and she has no strong interest. Her passion and talent is theatre. She used to take actin and improvisation classes but lost motivation for these a long time ago. Her dream is to travel around the world using theatre and educate people about social injustices and how they can be addressed. She feels prevented from trying to follow her dreams. She says, “It is unfortunate but I am too old now to make a change.” She constantly has feelings of helplessness because she would have to sacrifice financial security.

Sarah is under the care of a therapist who uses acceptance and commitment therapy. She writes and directs small plays to deal with her existential issues. If you found similarities between yourself and Sarah, our team would be able to help you.

Personal details have been changed to preserve confidentiality.

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Anna’s Case – Health Anxiety

Anna’s Case – Health Anxiety

Do you find similarities between yourself and Anna?

Anna is a 33 year old Russian woman who has been living and working in Bangalore for 5 years. She originally came to therapy with signs of health anxiety and preoccupation with physical symptoms, which seem to have been triggered by her boyfriend of four years deciding to go to Amsterdam for a year and a consequent fear of losing the relationship. It seemed in the initial session that Anna was focusing and worrying about her physical health instead of having to deal with her feelings about her boyfriend leaving. However, when the therapist asked whether this might be possible, she denied this and was in the process of undergoing repeated medical tests and scans to identify a cause for her physical symptoms. It was discussed that therapy would only be helpful for Anna when she saw at least some of her problems as being linked to psychological factors.

Six months later Anna contacted the therapist again and arranged another consultation. She was now under the care of a psychiatrist, who had started her on antidepressants and suggested she try therapy again. Anna’s boyfriend had gone to Amsterdam and the relationship had ended. She felt abandoned and empty and deeply missed the friendship. Although she felt that the relationship had probably not been right for a long time, she had stayed in it so long because she was afraid of being alone. She realized she had been dependent on her boyfriend for validation, attention and acceptance, and was struggling to adjust to being single. She noted a pattern in all relationships (with both family and past partners) of being dependent on others (for advice, looking after, self-esteem, etc.) and described herself as an “egoist” who tries to manipulate others to get what she wants and never being happy with what she gets. She had no strong hobbies, interests or passions. She had a small but good circle of friends in Prague and often spent time socializing with them. She also had regular contact with her family in Russia.

Although, Anna wanted to learn to be comfortable being alone, within a few weeks she had started flirting with colleagues in whom she had never been interested previously, in order to distract herself and get attention. Despite being insecure about her appearance, she also placed a lot of value on it and used it as her main way of interacting with males. Se described multiple instances of binge drinking, sometimes to the point of vomiting and memory loss.

Anna is under the care of a person-centered therapist. She is doing better now compared to when she started therapy. If you found similarities between your case and Anna’s, our team would be able to help you.

Personal details have been changed to preserve confidentiality.